What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?



Goodbye. alternate intro "This is the most insensitive and tone deaf intro I have ever seen! Violence against women is not funny!" How close was I to your reaction? The question you should be asking is why you'd waste your time clicking on a blog that was so deeply offensive to you? Crass tactics get attention... that is why I changed the title this morning from:

SILENCE KILLS | The True Cost of Respect

beginning of post: I don’t know how the details regarding the murder of 36-year-old Lyndsay Bruno got so confused, but it’s hard for me not to see this as a symptom of a bigger problem in our city. I didn’t know Lyndsay or her family and have warred over writing this. Now, I’m well aware of how too many people glob on to tragedy and make it about themselves (more on that below); I’m afraid of falling into that category which is why I have not posted anything all week.

I've written other stuff, things much more related to my goal but ignoring how disgusting everything about this story and the reactions from all of us has been wasn't something that I was capable of doing. I have rewritten this every day as I processed all that I felt. I finally settled on posting it in its current raw form. There is no dignity in death, not in hers or in the dozens of other women in our city that will suffer the same fate this year... so can this just be true?

Right now I'm filling in the blanks. So few of my questions have been answered. I’m afraid that is likely because they were never asked in the first place. I wish Lyndsay had someone to reach out to even when things in her life got too hard to handle. I wish that Lyndsay knew that no matter where she was physically, mentally, and emotionally that she had someone who would be there for her.

The saddest part of all of this is that she probably did. The slow blur of abuse steals your memories until the idea of you ever being able to fly becomes nothing but a dream you used to have. Battered, belittled, whatever brand of poison you didn't sign on for, removes erases your ability to see the good around you. To believe that others want the best for you, that they care. The crushing weight of your existence on earth is the only truth that you have; that you've ever had.

No matter where you come from or what you've lived through... someone cares for you. It could be that bitch who is always holding you accountable for your actions, she doesn't do that shit for giggles. Family, friends, teachers, mentors, neighbors, counsellors... I honestly don't know where to stop this list, everyone has someone. You not seeing them doesn't mean that they are not there. I blew up at someone in a grocery store over nothing... it was the best decision in a long line of terrible things that I'd done. The concerned and caring words that were returned to me stopped me in my tracks. I went from hating everything to a warm embrace from a complete stranger. We are so blind to our own value that we can't understand how many people admire the currency.

I was so lost, I had always seen my family and friends but I couldn't see them... it's amazing how quickly the light shows the truth. Thinking about this left me wondering about Lyndsay's family. Her two young boys, parents, siblings, best friends... could she see them? I want to know who she was. Did she like to dance? What was her favorite movie? Did she like dill pickle or ketchup chips?

This is an odd place for me to be in, I’m not really the bleeding heart type. It’s not a morbid curiosity that leaves me with questions, so... what is it? Why Lyndsay? Why is she resonating with me? What factors preceded the violence that lead to her tragically early death. Did she suffer in an abusive relationship for a long time? Were there any steps taken to intervene if she was? How did the systems set up to protect her, and thousands more like her, fail so badly that a presumably malevolent man with a gun could reach out to her and cause this tragedy?

Newspapers, sorry, 'newspaper' singular, covered the story eventually. She was spoken about over social media then gone. Poof, into that same abyss. I felt gross about it. Everyone cared when her murder happened at the same address as the Carmen Pervez shooting. I didn’t know if it did, but I read in the news like everyone else and saw the CBC coverage that seemed to imply that Lyndsay’s death was related. I had jumped on that train full steam too.

What offended me about these inquiries and articles, then the later information that changed and suggested that Lyndsey’s death was unlikely to be related to this other event, was how quickly the empathy and interest for her faded. She had 36 years of living life, having new experiences, and connections to people that she loved and must have loved her.

Have we come to care so little for our neighbors that unless Lyndsey’s death was part of some juicy story we can’t care? Even a little? I didn’t know Lyndsay, but I will not forget her. The blinding realization of how fucking cold we all are. "Thoughts and prayers".

I was blinded by rage over the general reaction. The icing on the fucking cake is that the chances of her death being related are much higher now than they were last week. This message is specifically to her family: do not let them close her case. You have more of a voice than anyone. If you are able, use it.

There is no dispute over the involvement of her abusive partner, not from me anyhow.

Facts: RCMP shot a man that they were told was involved in her murder on 111 avenue in Edmonton. He did not have a hostage. 8 hours after this man was dead, at the hands of the RCMP, the EPS notified the public that he had been "located" and that no autopsy was booked for Lyndsay. In under 4 days her autopsy was complete and the police released a statement saying that the woman found at 103 avenue was confirmed a homicide. No highlight, no correction just swapped out the address as if no one would notice. The case was closed and it was stated that there would be no charges in the matter because the person they BELIEVED to be responsible was dead.

What I've learned... the people with nothing to give and everything to lose, those who are stuck in the lifecycle perpetuated by people like Carmen Pervez. The same people who are in real danger for speaking out... care a fuck of a lot more than everyone else with a keyboard and a fucking latte. Yes, I am talking about you.

Believe me or don't believe me on this one... domestic violence is not the only thing that snuffed out this woman's life.

Murder investigations are closed when:

• all other possible suspects are excluded or enough information is found regarding the primary one

  • not when the person that is BELIEVED to have done it is dead

  • not two days after the autopsy

  • not four days after discovery of the body

Most importantly: murder investigations are not closed with zero explanation given to the public regarding a change in the address where the body was found and without a blatant statement regarding the relation to another act of gun violence that has been tied to the murder since day one.

SOLUTION

This could all be settled rather simply if the EPS were to issue this statement:

The death of Lyndsay Bruno has no connection to the shooting of high profile Edmonton criminal, Carmen Pervez.

If I were a member of her family and that public declaration was made... I would be satisfied in knowing that her life wasn't collateral damage.

People are in danger for speaking out. If it's not too much to ask of you: demand the statement from the police on their behalf. It's a share and a shout out. Just fucking do it and then head over here to help her boys.

I will gladly accept the public shaming that would be deserved if I pushed it this far, making her family & friends consider this grotesque possibility, at a time when they should be allowed to grieve. Fuck, write a scathing piece about me and submit it through the contact page, you don't need an email to do it. I'll make a dedicated page and post every single one exactly as written.

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END

General notes and comments from me

I had to correct my initial reaction of general disdain for people who identify with tragedies. We all know someone who does it... their level of anguish doesn't differ from one person to the next. I had a rant about shallow and selfish individuals that I had written. This felt like one of those times when intentions need to be considered and I needed to calm the fuck down. Here are the highlights of what was said.

This person began by providing information to others about how Lyndsay's death was unrelated to Pervez then followed with comments like these...

"he was her abusive boyfriend. We tried 3 years ago to get her to leave him." this person goes on to say " I can't remember his name but I can see him standing next to her Violence against women NEED to stop" followed by "So many unanswered questions. Where do I get them answered? And yes we knew her. Lyndsay and I went to school together..."

I won't share the name of this person, I'm not in the habit of allowing a mob to dole out justice over a lack of tact. I still included this because I do hope that this person reads this afterthought and recognizes the wisdom in the reply they were given by someone else:

not everything will be made public. I have heard details from friends of the family but it's not my story to share and don't want to invade the family's privacy

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Outstanding questions:

Why has the 39 year old males name not been released?

How can a murder investigation be complete if the police believe that the deceased person did it? Did they consider any other possibility?

Why didn't the EPS highlight the address change if it were a mistake?

Why have the RCMP and ASIRT not mentioned anything about the address change?

Why would ASIRT's statement say "police received additional information that led them to believe that the 39-year-old man may also have been involved in a homicide in Edmonton."

Carmen related:

The highest profile shooting in a very long time...

• no mention of the continued investigation

• no update regarding suspects arrested

• no request for information from the public has been made

  • if you saw something don't you think the police would want to know?

• the public has not been warned of an armed and dangerous person at large

Did Carmen's men get to the shooter first or was it already taken care of before it hit the news? State publicly that Lyndsay was unrelated and I don't care about who failed at shooting Carmen's giant fucking head.

media releases: RCMP EPS EPS(2) ASIRT ASIRT(2)